The Last Voyage?

Preparations for the Sunset Sailing Holiday Cruise has hit a few snags.

Our sixth crew member, Roy Burkill, is not well. He has an infection in his Gall Bladder and requires an operation. I have noticed lately that he will use any excuse not sleep with me! Bitch!

Graham is driving down with the kit and I will drive with food, Lone and Jim. Paul will come independently in his Winnie, I hope Winnie is a camper van!, probably via Vegas. 

Paul is also planning his gourmet meal, splendid!

This is the boat. She is a 36' Gibsea built in 2002. 14 years old! Hmmmm...

We shall see. May have been at Trafalgar. 

Have to leave a £900 deposit! I wanted to rent not buy it!

Her name is Viola. Which is also a musical instrument like a violin, so it has strings attached! It has a bottle nose? not sure what that's for. 

The Crew:

Roger Bignell “Biggars" (The Skipper) Hasn’t a clue whats going on and relies on his crew to get him home. Navigates by horoscope and runes.

Grahame Bartlett (The Barrel) Has already tried to drown his skipper. A flogging is immanent, probably on E Bay.

Jim Hoyle (The Cook)  Jim is charge of cholesterol.He ensures that by the end of the voyage our arteries are fully  clogged and throbbing with potential embolism's

Paul Johnson (World traveler and Master Chef) Useless as a navigator as he doesn’t even know which countries he’s in. But cooks the only healthy meal of the cruise.

Keith Molony (Lone) A Shanghaied landsman. Expecting to be taught how to sail by all these competent sailors but is in for a rude awakening, as they know nothing. Will probably spend most of his time in The Barrel and this is not a pub in Thornbury.

Roy Burkill (AWOL) Has used all excuses not to share the skippers bunk but this is an all time low. Willing to have body parts removed to avoid it. Will  be greatly missed as he the skippers principal adviser in navigation. He has his own AA map!

Have been in contact with The Hamble and they are trying to get the boat ready for 1500. We are going to arrive about 1300 , so will have lunch in The Ketch Rigger.

Breaking news: Monday 18th Sept. Roy is scheduled for surgery. 

Operation update : Roy rang pm. The operation did not happen. They only wanted to assess Roys position and to tell him that the operation would not be straight forward and advised against it! He is adamant that he wants to go ahead. Apologised for not being able to come to The Hamble and meet the team.

Final days now. Lone is worrying about his wardrobe! Paul is preparing the gourmet meal, Graham is acting as luggage transporter and Mary is shopping for victuals (Bless her) 

Thursday 

Went into the Mall with Mary to buy a new phone! She finally chose  a Samsung. Had to leave her to pick up the boys. Left about 1100.

Arrived at 1330. Paul on the way so is Graham. 

Did takeover, boat looks good. Went for shake down cruise after a pantomime with the life jackets. 

Weather good. 

Supper in the Ketch-rigger. Jemma, the waitress not responding to Pauls charm. 

Lone said "If it floats, flies or fucks, rent it!"

Cheese and biscuits plus a fine red wine on Viola  listening to Pauls travel tales.

Weather seems OK so will attempt Pool tomorrow unfortunately it will be initially against tide. 

Perhaps I should get the throttle checked before leaving as it is very stiff. Will ring office.

Friday 0700

Awake, only up once for a pee, remarkable! Quiet night no weird noises. 

Splendid breakfast prepared by Mary Berry Jim. Full cholesterol and some. 

1000 slipped very calm a sunny. Did some sail hoisting as an exercise.

1130 Off Beaulieu under engine. 

Motor sailed across Poole Bay hampered a bit as couldn't find relevant chart. 

And by a Auto Helm that had a mind of its own. 

1600 Arrived Pool Marina. Moored in tight berth adjacent to a large stink pot. 

Wind getting up. Getting cold. Dropped crisps obeyed 3 second rule, they tasted fine. 

Barrel gone off to buy soap and such like to do his ablutions prio to a night of debauchery. Then back to boat for Pauls dinner party. 

Connot believe we have been charged £47.00 for mooring in Pool Quay Boat Haven Marina. 

174' cutter Drumbeat moored in Marina

1800 

Getting cold. Paul and Lone discussing Rodesia. 

Story of Vandyk cinema. Cowboy film. Fuck her whilst she's warm!

Lovely dinner party, lots of reminiscing about sexual education and The Kendal Family. Too much good wine again. 

Sex education "I would tell you but you will only forget."

Lots of movement and rumbling in the night obviously excesses getting to all. 

0700 Wind picking up force 6 later. Difficult berth to get out of. 

Weatherspoons for breakfasts 

Trying for Yarmouth. 

0915 breakfasts in Witherspoons. I gave it a miss. 

1000 Slipped, will be bouncy. Force 6 heading direct to Needles. Paul returned Wetherspoons breakfast into Poole Bay. 

Quite lumpy at Needles markers but calmed down in the lea of the island. 

Moored in Yarmouth. This was rush hour lot of boats converging on the entrance. 

Overcast may rain. 

Zzz as Paul and Grahame explore.

Cloud forming probably rain later. 

Eating in town 

Moules, plaice, seafood platter and Mamaries. In that order. 

We have been at sea too long!

Back to boat where Lone recited Harold. 

Sunday 0657 

Woken by Paul taking photographs of the sunrise. 

Heavy rain during the night. 

Good showers then walk into "Gossips" nice cafe right on sea edge. Good breakfast. 

Slipped mooring and refuelled. Strong westerly wind kicking up ebbing tide. 

Initially motored then ran under reefed Genoa. 

Realised that we would not have time to go to Bucklers Hard so carried on to Hamble. 

Good run up. 

Graham moored boat. Cleaned boat and checked out about 1500. 

Home about 1830. Face bright red so got bollocking for not using sun tan  lotion. 

Not sure what Lones impression of sailing is!!!

Paul staying overnight on A3.